Hetalia Headcanons
by Marichinocherry
Summary: Random one-shots based on headcanons I find about certain countries.
1. America's Accent Fetish

**_Headcanon: America talks a lot at meetings so that he doesn't get aroused at by the foreign accents. (At least it was something like that, I lost the link to it.)_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own__ Hetalia_**

There were rare days when America would shut up at World Meetings.

Involuntarily, of course.

Unfortunately for him, it was one of those days.

* * *

America sat in his chair, a disappointed look plastered to his face. Why, you ask, is he _not_ spouting ridiculous comments about heroes and justice?

Two words: Sore throat.

America slouched in his chair dejectedly, his throat even too dry to chow down burgers at his usual fast pace. He tried sipping on sprite, then recoiled at the burning sensation. He sighed.

Meanwhile, the other countries were causing (much to Germany's dismay) chaos- kicking, yelling, vows of bloody murder…-

"You bloody frog! Get your filthy hands away from me!"

"Ohonhon, Angleterre, you certainly don't mean that~"

"Kolkolkol…

"Big brother!"

…!"

"Lovi~"

"Agh, Tomato Bastard!"

"I agree with America." (Which was weird, America was silent the whole time)

"Man up, or I'll beat you with my peace prize!"

"Zzzzz"

…- the usual.

In the midst of all the pandemonium, no one noticed how America's eyes perked up frantically.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!"

The whole world (or at least part of the world) looked up at Germany.

"We've called this conference to solve the world's problems. Not to fight about the problems of our past. And since I'm the only country who seems to know how to run a meeting, we'll follow my rules from here on out. Eight minutes each for speeches. No chit-chat about side-deals. And absolutely no going over the time limit. Now if you want to go, make sure you're prepared and raise your hand. But do so in a way that does NOT mock any salutes of my country's past."

'_Whoa, deja-vu moment',_ ran through everyone's minds.

'_Ach! This can't be happening!_', ran through America's mind as his cheeks warmed and his face was tinted a delicate shade of pink. _'No. No. No, no, no, no!'_

_'Come on, dude. Happy place! Happy thoughts! Burgers, wraps, Hot Pockets! Anything but this!'_

"Whilst our poor little hero squirmed in his seat, Japan hand was raised (by Switzerland).

"Eh?!" Japan was startled to find that everyone's eyes were on him. "Oh, er…About global trade…"

The U.S of A twitched and blushed a little more. _'Urg, why me?'_ he wailed in his mind. He tried to drown out everyone's voice.

"Ve~ Can we trade pasta, Romano? Please?"

"What? No! Tomatos!"

"Really, Lovi? Then I can trade with you!"

"Ohohonhon…I suppose I can spread some love all over the world~"

"How about some British cuisine!" England brightened at his idea.

"…"

By then America was a steaming tomato. _'This is too much. I can't listen to this anymore!"_

Finally, someone noticed America's very obvious distress.

"America? What's gotten into you?" England furrowed his (read: humongous caterpillar-brows) eyebrows.

'_This is the last straw! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! STUPID IGGY AND HIS STUPIDLY HOT BRITISH ACCENT! STUPID WORLD AND THEIR EPIC ACCENTS!'_ America roared in his mind. He flipped the table, still looking like a ripe tomato, and stormed out of the room. He then rushed to the nearest bathroom to take care of his 'little problem'.

Unluckily for him, no one else heard his little mind-rant, and were left perplexed.

"Was it something I said?"

* * *

**And that, was my herp-a-derp fail at humor. I will now drown in my shame. I knew I drew better than I wrote. That's why my deviantart is on my profile! *shameless self-advertising***

**I swear, I'm only funny in conversations. :(**


	2. We Will Rock You

**Headcanon: During one of the world meetings, America convinced Canada to start stomp/clapping the beat of 'We Will Rock You'. In just a few minutes, every country in the room was stomping, clapping, and singing along.**

* * *

"Come on bro, please?"

"I don't know, America…"

"Canada, dude, you're the perfect man for the job! No one will really see you, so I won't get blamed!"

"I guess…Wait, what?"

"Okay man, it's decided then!" America grinned and pranced off to pig out and compliment himself on such a "_totally-awsome-you-wouldn't-believe-it"_ idea.

* * *

_'Operation: We Will Rock You' is a go!'_ America readied the camera on his phone and gave Canada a quick thumbs-up. The poor Canadian smiled weakly in response, not knowing what kind of commotion he would start.

As Canada composed himself, the meeting continued outside their little bubble. Germany managed to (somewhat) calm everyone down and begin the conference. He glanced over at America suspiciously, _'Why isn't he butting in? He's scheming! What should I do?'._

_**Boom, boom, ****clap. Boom, boom, clap.**_

'_What the Hölle?'_

_**Boom, boom, clap. Boom, boom, clap.**_

_'Just why am I doing this?'_ Canada groaned in his mind. _'Oh, I hope IHOP really is as good as America really says.'_ Nonetheless, he continued stomping and clapping.

_**Boom, boom, clap. Boom, boom, clap.**_

England felt a shiver run up his spine. Oh no…

_**Boom, boom, clap.**_

His scalp prickled and his hair stood on end and frizzed into an even messier 'do than usual (if that was even possible). His dress shirt rumpled and the first few buttons popped.

'_Not now…Please not now…' _England knew what was coming, and knew he would regret it afterword.

In his mind, he could imagine the wicked grin adorning his face, and a teasing glint in his bright green eyes. Yep, there was no going back now. He had no control.

He stepped up on the table, whipped out a guitar from God-knows-where, and started to stomp and clap as well as roughly sing:

**Buddy, you're a boy**

**Make a big noise playin'**

**In the street gonna be a**

**Big man someday.**

As America caught the whole thing on video he thought, _'Definitely wasn't expecting _that_ much of a reaction.'_

**You got mud on your **

**Face, big disgrace**

**Kicking your can all**

**Over the place.**

And then came the legendary words:

**Singing, we will we **

**Will rock you **

**We will, we will rock you.**

Maybe it was the crazy vibe Britain was emitting, but it seemed to draw everyone and make them go bonkers. Anyone who had ever been in contact with Britain and America definitely knew this song. Many wondered how a "gentleman" (*cough stick-in-the-mud cough*) like him could ever be capable of punk or rock.

Italy was the first to join the clapping and stomping, wanting to be in on the excitement. _'Ve~ I don't know what's going on, but it's seems fun!'_

Spain went next, dragging Romano in to boot. ("Come on, Lovi~" "No I can't, you bastard!" "Then I'll help you!" "Hey, get offa me! I can clap for myself!")

Eventually, every country joined in, stomping, clapping, and singing. In the background, America grinned.

'_This is gonna go viral!'_

* * *

**AN:**

**Hello again! Thanks to _Not Awesomer Than_ Prussia I tried to write humor again. I couldn't think of many funny things for this prompt, but oh well. I don't know how often I'll update, since I only come up with this stuff randomly.  
**

**Thanks To:**

**Not Awesomer Than Prussia**

**OtakuBitterPearl**

**NinjalyJen  
**

**For Reviewing/Following/Favoriting! :D **


	3. 2010 Vancouver Olympics

**Headcanon: For the 2010 Vancouver Olympics, participating nations were forced to locate Canada on the map. Most of them struggled to do so.**

**~Linebreak Because I Can't Edit Fanfiction On My Stupid Android Browser~**

"Wow, I was chosen? Me?" Canada gushed, pride practically glowing off of his skin. "I, Canada, was chosen to host the Olympics! Aren't you proud, Kumachiko?"

"Who're you?"

"I just said I'm Canada!"

**~Linebreak Because I Can't Edit Fanfiction On My Stupid Android Browser~**

United States

"Really? Mattie was chosen to host the Olympics? Cool!" America flashed his usual grin, happy for his brother. "I'm definitely in on the Games! Mattie, the hero is coming!" He rushed off to pack his bags so he and his bro could hang out.

'_But…how do I get there again?'_ America froze in his tracks. That was an unanticipated obstacle. _'Meh, I'll look it up on Google Maps.'_

He searched on Google and waited…and waited. And waited. It almost seemed like even Google forgot where Canada was. The self-proclaimed "hero" didn't notice he wasn't connected to the internet.

'_Man, Canada must be far for Google not to know where it is.' _He closed his laptop and dug around in his drawers for some maps. "If you want something done, you gotta do it yourself."

So he sat his desk scanning the world map Britain gave him (he didn't know what was so wrong about his own map, but Britain had said to "be conscious of the world around you") over and over again. But for some reason, he just couldn't find Canada. He scrutinized Asia, examined Europe, had carefully studied South America, analyzed Africa, skimmed over Antarctica, and spent (more than) a few minutes on North America. In his frustration, he doodled on Mexico (totally not on purpose!).

After a while, America simply let his eyes wander the map, and spotted something new. "Whoa, what's that above me?"

He looked closer at the new country that miraculously appeared on the map, and gasped in awe. "Canada! Who knew he was magical?"

As he began to pack, he dialed up his brother. "Yo Mattie! I didn't know you were magical! That's _awesome,_ bro. See ya when I come over!" Then he promptly hung up, leaving Matthew not knowing what had just happened.

"Eh?"

**~Linebreak Because I Can't Edit Fanfiction On My Stupid Android Browser~**

**AN**

**Hey guys (and girls) I'm back! Sorry it was so short, but I felt like if I tried adding more countries, I'd ruin it with the forced humor. I've had some problems with my laptop, and knowing my luck, I'll have to wait a few months to fix the problem. So I wrote this with my mom's old phone, which has QuickOffice (hallelujah!). But on the bad side, I have to type everything out on the keyboard on the screen. To any smarphone users out there, you know how frustrating it can be. And I'd be totally busted if I tried buying a bluetooth keyboard. My lack of laptop also means no more posts to dA. That really hurts.**


	4. Canada's Coffee Craze

**Headcanon: Canada disapproves of how much coffee America drinks because he says it'll make you hyper and hurt your stomach. Part of the reason why Canada is so calm and quiet is because he never drinks caffeine. One day, at America's place, thinking it was a cup of hot chocolate left on the table, Canada accidentally drank coffee and tried to take over the world.**

_**~Linebreak Because I Can't Edit Fanfiction On My Stupid Android Browser~**_

"Hey America, maybe you should lay off the coffee." Canada cautioned.

"Nah, bro. I'm totally fine." America responded while fidgeting in his chair. It was obvious he needed to release some energy- he was literally shaking. He looked like one of those shivering Chihuahuas in cartoons, paired with his expression of a mad scientist, hyper clown, and a kid on Christmas morning. The crazy giddiness emanating from the guy was so strong it would make anyone want to barf rainbows and...weird stuff. But alas, the poor sap didn't even have a clue coffee was the real perpetrator.

_**~Linebreak Because I Can't Edit Fanfiction On My Stupid Android Browser~**_

"Mattie, I'll be in the living room if you need me. Feel free to join me on my game after you eat."

"Sure thing, Alfred. "

Canada stepped into the kitchen, thinking about grabbing a quick bite before joining his brother. He took a hot-choco packet from the pantry abd was just about to rip it open when he saw a steamingug on the table.

_'I guess I should just finish Alfred's mug before making a new cup of my own. I shouldn't let a perfectly hot cup of cocoa go to waste.' _Canada thought to himself before downing it all in two gulps. As he swallowed the last few drops, he thought, _'I don't think this is cocoa...'._ He grimaced at the bitter taste.

Yep, definitely America's black coffee. Matthew gagged a bit.

This was the first time coffee had ever touched his lips in months, if not years. The sudden intake of all this caffeine was too much for his system to handle. His mind cracked.

He let out a mighty roar.

"Raaaaahhh!"

Ahem,_ mighty_ roar.

_**"RAAAAAWRRR!"**_

Yeah, much better.

"Canada? You okay, man?" America stuck hjs head in the doorway. He glanced at his watch. "Bro, we're almost late to the meeting! Come on!"

Completely ignoring Canada's change of attitude, he dragged him to the car. The rest of the the time he was too busy jamming to the radio.

_**~Linebreak Because I Can't Edit Fanfiction On My Stupid Android Browser~**_

"The hero is here!" America (obnoxiously) announced, arriving at the meeting with Canada in tow.

Due to his coffee rush, he was about twice as visible as usual. If he had known, maybe he would've made himself more presentable. With his Cookie Monster eyes, frothing mouth, and heavy panting. It looked like America brought a madman.

"Who is he?" The nations murmured among themselves.

"AHAHAHAHA!" Canada channeled his inner America and struck Onion's 'dignity laugh' pose. "I'm CANADA! And I'm going to take over all of you! AHAHAHA!"

He then brandished a hockey stick he got from behind his back and began to pound the countries to submission while an oddly carefree expression. He wasn't exactly hurting them, more like bopping their heads with his hockey stick. Needless to say, it was highly annoying.

"Smack! Smack! Smack!"

After a while, he managed to stuff everyone in a closet. It was mostly the countries trying to avoid the craziness and the result was being herded like sheep.

"AHAHAHA! I've captured all of you! World domination!"

"He _does _know that we're only the personifications, right?" said Britain's muffled voice.

"Eh..."

Since it was already a few hours after Canada initially drank the coffee, his high passed and he immediately blacked out.

"Just how are we going to get out?" asked China. They heard him jiggle the doorknob. "It's locked!"

Silence.

Then panic.

"Aiya!"

"What?! I have to stay in here with that _frog_ within three feet of me?"

"Ve~! Germany I'm lost! Where are you!?"

"Ja, ja. I'm right here."

"Ohonhonhon..."

More silence.

**AN:**

**I don't even know where I went with this...But my thumbs worked too hard text/typing this in to be thrown in the scrap!**

**Being the UsUk fangirl that I am, I had this little idea in my head for a small (very small!) UsUk-themed paragraph after they got out of the closet. But I didn't bother putting it in. If anyone wants it, I guess I could edit the chapter and put it in.**

**And yes, I'm aware that hot chocolate has a little caffeine. I just don't like changing the headcanon except for spelling and grammar. **

**(Has anyone else noticed how horrible I am with transitions? It always sounds either too much like a cheesy elementary student or it moves along too fast. Any tips on that?)**


	5. Battle of the Micronations: Part 1

**Headcanon: Prussia **_**does **_**rule the Phony Nation Table. They literally crowned him their king with a Burger King crown. They attack the nations during the World Meetings with paper airplanes and spitballs. Prussia takes it very seriously; they have meetings weekly in Prussia's treehouse.**

"-blah, blah, elect a leader, blah, hold our beliefs to heart, yada, yada. So we, the members of the PNT crown Prussia McAwesomeness, _King _Prussia McAwesomeness."

Sealand solemnly rested the official crown of the PNT, a.k.a the Phony Nation Table (but they had too much pride to admit they weren't real nations yet), on Prussia's (big) head.

Really, it was just a cardboard Burger King crown they had picked up a few meetings ago in America.

Sealand glanced at Hong Kong, who was holding his cue card.

"Blah, blah, and all that," droned Sealand, not bothering to recite the long speech Wy oh-so meticulously planned out and wrote on his cue cards. She threw him a withering look.

"W-wow! I'm _honored_ to be your king!" Prussia gushed- which was uncharacteristically modest of him. "Even though we all knew this was going to happen. No one can resist my awesomeness for long, kesesese!"

Scratch that.

The 'big countries', having nothing to do (read: ignoring the fact they all had many, _many _topics to discuss) watched, amused.

"The first meeting will be at my place-"

_"Ahem, Bruder..."_

"-Okay, West's place. Which has my place in it."

"Eh? Your room?"

"What? No! My _other _place!"

"Your treehouse?"

"My AWESOME treehouse."

Germany sighed and rubbed his temples. At least they would stay outside. He wanted no part in his brother's shenanigans.

Prussia continued,"As I was saying, before someone rudely interrupted," insert pointed look at Germany, "first meeting will be in three days to discuss certain _things,_" with this, he cast a sly look towards to nation table. That look didn't go unnoticed. America, who knew some of Prussia's malevolent expressions (for reasons that will not be mentioned), knew he was planning _something._

Being the hero he was, he tried to warn his fellow nations.

"Dudes! You saw that? Prussia's totally planning something!" America hissed in a low voice. To talk more freely, he did the Global Warming Maneuver: taking the whole PNT and Prussia...and pushing them over _there._

Out in the hallway.

"_Amerique, _what was that for?" France complained, clearly annoyed his time squealing about how cute (some of) the micronations were was cut short.

"Can't you see? He's planning something against us!"

"Now America, you shouldn't jump to conclusions." Brittany rose a bushy eyebrow.

"Well, he _did _have that unusual look..." said Germany, half-convinced America (for once) was right.

"How can you tell that wanker's smug expressions from the next!?" Britian asked.

"I am his _bruder_," said Germany, "If I_ couldn't _tell what he was thinking, then we would be..." He trailed off with a look of absolute horror.

England humphed. "I need to hear this for myself." He went to the door grumbling about how his British spy-training was wasted.

After a few minutes, Britain quietly shuffled out into the hall, wearing a makeshift disguise.

And by makeshift, I mean a side table with a long cloth thrown over. He supported the table with only his arms and the top of his head.

After stumbling around, he squat under his table and listened.

Apparently, being shoved out the door by a paranoid American wasn't enough to stop Prussia from continuing his announcement to his fellow phony nations.

"Hong Kong, you bring the firecrackers. Sealand, round up the troops. Wy, get my victory speech ready; make sure it's awesome!"

"Bloody hell!" Britain knocked his head against the roof of the table. Muttering swears under his breath, he crawled back to the meeting room.

"See? Told ya!" Gloated America.

The nations burst into mumbling and whispering among themselves.

"You nations are so immature. Worried over nothing!" said China. "If only things could be solved with Chinese tasty treat!"

"They'll just just get ugly!" objected America and England in unison.

America slammed his hands on the table, catching everyone's attention. "Okay, dudes. I got a plan."

_'Might as well get the bad ideas out of the way…'_

_Over the next two weeks, both sides prepared for battle..._

**AN:**

**I'm not too sure whether choosing this particular headcanon for a two-part arc was a good idea. Any comments?**

**I have a little idea about a UsUk fic that I've been mulling over. If I succeed in getting it started, watch out for it!**

**I keep forgetting to say it, but please REVIEW!**

**P.S. Keep in mind that there are a lot of micronations at the Phony Nation Table. It is set sometime after the comic about Sealand collecting other micronation friends. **


End file.
